Thursday, July 22, 2010

Thursday Thirteen: Play Date Etiquette For Moms (and Dads)

This may forever blacklist me from play dates, but here we go:
1. Show up on time. If you are going to be late, call. This is less out of respect for the adult and more out of respect for the child. What happens when you are late and you don't call, knowing that your child is coming over, my child waits at the door and asks over and over again, where your child is. I once had a play date call after being an hour late, they said they were on their way. I told my son and they didn't show up for another 45 minutes. Two times he walked away crying and one time he dropped to the ground in a dramatic heap of disappointment. They only live a couple blocks away.

2. Don't cancel at the last minute all the time. I understand stuff comes up, but if you are canceling play dates all the time, maybe you need to reevaluate why you scheduled them in the first place, especially if you are the person that's initiating it.

3. Clean up or at least offer to help. Most people will most likely decline the offer, after all, their house would probably have a trail of toys from one end to the the other without the help of your child. But it's always nice to get an offer to help.

4. When your kid is beating on my kid, don't pretend not to notice.I don't always want to play bad cop in my own house. You know when your child is playing rough. Say something to him. Just because my kids not bleeding and crying, doesn't mean your kid knows when to stop and my kid should put up with it. My kids are guilty of it to and I try and stop excessive rough-housing once it occurs.

5. Don't say you are going to run a quick errand and come right back. Two hours later is not right back. If you are going to leave and come back in two hours, just say so. Nothing is worse than being told by someone they will be right back and they come back a couple hours later, that's just rude.

6. If you remember, come with a drink or a snack to share. I don't mind supplying them, and I have forgotten to bring them with me on play dates, it's not a necessity but it's always a nice gesture.

7. It's not funny or cute when your kid becomes rambunctious and doesn't listen to my house rules. My house rules apply in my house. I don't want my kids breaking your rules, I hope you'd feel the same.

8. In some countries, you leave your shoes at the door. In our country, this should apply to cell phones, no texting. Nothing worse than having a conversation with an adult, they whip out their cells phones, start texting and their words become mere nods of acknowledgement.

9. If your kid is talking my ear off instead of playing with the other kids, kindly gear them in the right direction. I know this may not always work, my daughter is the perfect example. I have pulled her off of play date parent's ears at least a dozen times. But I didn't invite your kids over to keep me company, just as I'm sure you don't want to hear from mine. You may not admit this but you know it's true.
10.Not to sound strict but adhere to time limits. If I say, "hey let's play from like 1 to 3", not that at 3 you have to pick up and jet out immediately, but please don't stay all day. I've got 3 kids and like any other kids, they have time limits on when they start to go sour. Good behaviours go bad fast and usually like clock work in my house. Time limits are set so we all have a nice time.

11. Just like everything else, play dates expire. When the play date starts to go bad, its time to go home. If the kids start to fight, get super hyper and just down right mean, maybe it's time to end the play date. No need to make it worse, it's uncomfortable for me and you.

12. Except for a clear runny nose, if you, your kid or other kids in your family have been sick within the last 24 hours, including but not limited to diarrhea, vomiting and a fever, I know you want to get out of the house, but stay home. I once had a family member come to my house only after having a major stomach virus 24 hours earlier. I know they say, for the most part, once you're sick you're not contagious but I don't buy it. No one needs your sick germs.

13. If you don't like the previous twelve rules, maybe I'm not your play date match.

What's the most outrageous thing that's happened to you on a play date?



21 comments:

  1. Good tips, especially the arriving on time and the not taking sick kids to play. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. I remember play dates. Of course, cell phones were rare back then.

    Have a great Thursday!
    http://harrietandfriends.com/2010/07/did-your-parents-tell-you-any-food-fibs-to-entice-you-to-eat-or-skip-any-foods/

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  3. Hi Danielle! Wanted to stop by and say thank you for reading my guest post yesterday over at ScaryMommy! I love this post. Well said. I have been working on a post about playdates for awhile now and haven't finished it yet. some of your list items totally get my goat. I had a playdate yesterday that had me spending the whole time chatting with the person's little one. She didn't want to play with the kids, she wanted to bug me. Of course, the mom wasn't there to pull her off me (we do drop offs). I wish she had been! I got nothing done!

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  4. The only playdates we've taken our daughter to are with really close friends, so we never really thought about play date etiquette, but definitely something to keep in mind for the future. Thanks!

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  5. Timely post! Yes, Yes, yes times 13!!!!! We would be such a good play date match.

    My buddy just sent me over here to read your post after reading my post on the same thing this morning. Mine however is slightly more volatile. Now if only I could actually say it out loud. Love your blog. Come by and visit mine if you get a minute. I'm following you now.

    http://nickiwoo.com

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  6. There were times I wished I had a list like this I could hand to parents of my kid's friends.

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  7. Great list, Danielle! I love rules. They just help things make sense and take the guess-work out of do's and don'ts. I wonder why other moms (parents) just don't get that? Anyway, I have to hand it to you for scheduling playdates in the first place. I'm sure it's good for your kids' socialization skills and your sanity (when the rules are followed).

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  8. I gave you an award! Come and get it! This list is great and should be posted at the door at everyone's house that is hosting a playdate. There are a lot of moms that choose not to notice when their child is being rough or rude with my own, yet run right in when the situation flips. I am always on top of it! You have to be. they are little and are still learning how to behave kindly and properly. Sure, bring a snack. Help clean up! The whole list is great!

    Mama Hen

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  9. With regard to the comment you left on nickiwoo's blog, here is a link for you to check out. It has what has got to be the best story/joke ever for SAHMs: http://www.the-preschool-professor.com/parenting-humor.html
    You'll probably have to cut and paste the link, then scroll all the way down to "Stories with Parenting Humor" Enjoy! -EW

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  10. I LOATHE people who bring sick kids out in public as my boys catch everything they come within 100 feet of. Unfortunately for us, with two special needs boys, we don't get many playdates. Our boys are "too much" to visit others and playdates are a lot of work for me - trying to get the boys to follow the rules of other places! :(

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  11. Thanks for the comments and following. Im following you back. I never really had playdates when I was growing up and neither did my older children. I would only allowed them to go by close family members. I always felt like the park was fine with playing with friends. But I can see why those rules would work. If my twins have playdates in the future. I will be prepared. Although the cell phone etiquette I will have to work on. BTW I didn't even think about the little ones pulling off the wig. lmao oh no!

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  12. Great list! I have to say the only one I consistently find is #10 (time limits). With our playgroup, some people want to stay to 5 or 6 when I clearly say I'm hosting from 1:30 to 4:00 (because my daughter is usually so tired after her playgroup that she takes another nap around 4). At anyone else's house, I can just leave. However, when they are at my house, everyone just wants to stay...and stay....and stay...even though the "time" is officially up.

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  13. I know a few moms from when my kids were play date age who would benefit from reading this list.

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  14. I'm not a mom but I love that last one. LOL.

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  15. Just dropped over from the Purple Coo.

    Every parent should be issued a copy of this list when a child is born!

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  16. I think I may have to get your permission to copy a link to this on my mommies group board. :)

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  17. Yes. A million times yes.I organized a playgroup of over 30 parents for over 2 years and some people just don't use common sense when it comes to getting out of the house with their kids.

    As far as outrageousness...well, it was more so us at a host's house. My oldest was perfectly fine before we left, excited about the visit....only to puke all over the poor woman's floor 20 minutes in. We haven't been back since. I've been too ashamed. LOL.

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  18. Just finished a play date, and the other family's two year old not only dumped water on me, but on little William as well. His mom was in the house while I was outside with 4 kids..two under the age of two! I couldn't tell him no, because he only speaks Swiss-German. He also proceeded to bang toys against William's head. Not the easiest experience for a woman who is 6 months preggars!

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  19. Thanks for sharing this. This list should be handed out to every parent who even considers play dates!
    Stopping by from SITS!

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  20. Good list. I think every parent should read this.

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