Tuesday, May 25, 2010

SAHM Seeks PCD (Play Date Companion)

I feel like I am sneaking in a post as type quickly, hurrying to get my thoughts out before they are abruptly interrupted with a scream or a cry. I'm on a race with the clock. It is 7:30 in the morning and surprisingly enough, all the kids, including the baby are fast asleep and my house is very quiet. As you know, a quiet house can't be taken for granted or ignored, it's usually the calm before the storm.

It's almost the end of May and I can't believe my son's first year of elementary school is almost over. Next year he will be a big Kindergartner, attending school all day. With summer on our heels and the list of possible activities to embark upon, as I try to decide whether or not to send the kids to summer camp, begins a line up of play dates with old friends and new and what I like to call, the "Play Date Dating Game".

I have had my luck with "mom" friends, but getting a new PCD (play date companion) for you and your kids can be nerve wrecking. And I often feel like a contestant in a "Speed Dating" event. Within a matter of seconds, of seeing a new mom and her child, the mom has already sized you up to see if you and your little one could be a likely play date companion. If you're not a match, they quickly move on. And after the initial approach, exchange of phone numbers, and first call, it often feels like the luck of the draw, you never know what you are going to get.

But what are you supposed to expect?

Friendship or just someone to go on play dates with? It's nice to get a play date where not only your kids are having fun but you do too. We don't have to be best friends, but having someone there with similar interests, that you can relate to and carry on a conversation with is a big plus. The kids always get along, but a bad play date between moms can often feel like a bad date, forced and complicated, with uneasy breaks in conversation and uncomfortable silences because when it comes down to it, it's not just about the kids, it's about the mom's. Much like a date, it's especially about the approach, who is going to be the first to bring up the play date discussion, similar to first date jitters, you really have to step out on a limb, be the first to make a move and set yourself and your kids up for rejection.

And I'm afraid of rejection.

What if I'm just not that mother's cup of tea? After all, I'm not just the plain blend, neither are my children.
We come with a little sweetness and spice, shall we say an exotic blend? I think I just have to suck it up and take play dates for what they're worth, great experiences for my children to develop and grow socially. And if a new mom friend comes along with it , I'll just take it as an added bonus.

Maybe I should take out an ad:

                                                               SAHM seeking PCD

Energetic, outgoing, friendly, married, suburban,
African American Stay-At-Home Mother of 3 beautiful
interracial children seeks another mother for play dates
and possible
friendship. Ethnic background not important.
Must be outgoing, flexible and spontaneous, able to experience
new things with toddler in tow. Be willing to share
motherhood experiences similar but not limited to potty
training, temper tantrums, and sibling rivalry.
Friendship not necessary, but is a welcomed
bonus. Weekly play dates preferred but
not necessary and can be rescheduled and canceled
due to necessary parenting, family mishaps, not limited to
weather, sickness, flat tires, temper tantrums, or just plain
old mommy tiredness. Most important just be willing to
have a great time, leaving the
competitive, petty BS at home.


  1. Interesting connection you make between race and coffee blends...and it got me thinking, as all good blogs do. At what point do kids start tagging color to people?

    I worry about this. A lot. In spite of us living in suburbia and not having anyone other than white people around, going to preschool downtown in a racially diverse preschool, the issue has NEVER come up. Yet. I have made a conscious effort to describe the kid, not the color, when pointing out an unknown classmate. It usually goes something like this...

    Me: So what'd you do at school today?
    Charlie: Nuttin.
    Me: Who'd you play with?
    C: Nobody.
    Me: What about...erh...uhm...oh, what's his name? The boy with the red shirt with white stripes.
    C: Who?
    Me: The boy who was playing cars with you on the floor? What's his name?
    C: Who?
    Me: The short boy with the curly hair and cool shoes.
    C: WHO?!?
    Me: (Starting to feel exasperated already but aware that I need to tread carefully, NOT using color or ethnicity as a marker) The boy named Claire.
    C: Oh Mama, that's not Claire, that was Michael! Geez!!!
    Me: [big sigh] [bigger smile]

  2. HA,HA,too funny! If i saw this ad, I would think your nutso, LOL! But would still feel curious enough to reply to it. LMAO! - Jocelyn (Not so anonymous)


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